Being home in Vernon always proves to be an interesting experience for me. It’s kind of like returning to the scene of the crime. Vernon is the city I grew up in, the city that I gained a majority of my weight in. The city where I formed many opinions and judgements about myself based on what others said and did. I have been here for a few days and the word that keeps popping into my mind is forgiveness. Forgive those whose words I allowed to torment me and forgive myself for choosing food as my coping strategy.
Forgiving myself would then mean accepting myself as perfect, exactly the way I am. I think that is one of the hardest lessons of all too truly learn and breathe into your core. I am whole exactly the way I am. I am beautiful exactly the way I am and I am perfect exactly the way I am. We spend mountains of time telling ourselves all the things we do wrong, all the things we need to change, fix and make better and we forget to appreciate exactly where we are.
I know as humans we like to make forgiving someone one of the hardest tasks possible. It feels like if I forgive the kids in high school for their torment and comments I am somehow excusing their behavior but I know this isn’t true. When I really look at this, it is myself that I really need to forgive. I chose eating food as a way of dealing with the emotions I felt around their words and actions. If I forgive them I have to forgive myself. By doing this I continue to repair the unhealthy relationship I have with food.
Making mistakes and choices that don’t turn out like we thought is hard to accept, but making them is part of being human. So if I know that no matter what I am going to keep making them, why not learn from them move on because making the same mistake over and over again…no longer an option.
This video seems to perfectly describe my journey, so I thought “Of course I am going to share it with you guys!” Amazing voice, amazing lady!