I am just past the half way mark in my 30 day challenge and up till these past few days it has been awesome. I have been full of energy, sleep has been amazing and I have been feeling really good. It’s amazing the difference eating barely any sugar can make in one’s life. Then I tweaked a muscle in my hip and I couldn’t work out for almost 4 days. My chiropractor told me that going from working out 2-3 days a week to 5 days a week naturally increases the risk for injury if not careful and I didn’t listen to my body. Standing looking at myself in the mirror it was the first time I noticed some changes in my body. I have two distinct lines down either side of my abdomen indicating that all the planking and core work I have been doing is paying off. The little bulge in my tummy is distinctly smaller. The pants I put on defiantly were fitting smaller. A giant set of stairs I used to get winded climbing, I practically ran up them…. What did I do…panic.
A distinct sense of panic set it. I dealt with this panic by eating Jellybeans, followed the next day by a cookie, followed the next day by a donut. CRAP! Food, for me, has always provided a sense of relief, a sense of comfort and as I ate all this sugar and what I would have considered some of my “go to” foods, that familiar sense of comfort never set it. What set in was a gross sugar coma feeling. What set in was a tummy ache, not a sense of relief or comfort. This was quickly followed by tears and an emergency meeting with a couple members of the Skinny Cheerleader Posse (Click here to read about Skinny Cheerleader Posse).
These changes are scary for me. The layer of protection that I spent many years building is slowly slipping away. The bad habits I used to find comfort in are no longer comfortable. The foods I used to love to eat, no longer taste as good as they used to. This is all a good thing, despite not feeling that way!
Change happens. I ask for it and it is coming. Now my goal is to find new, healthy forms of comfort. For example, when panic sets in I go for a walk or a run. I call a Skinny Cheerleader Posse member and talk it out. I write a blog post, which is what this one is now, while sitting across from a Skinny Cheerleader Posse member. Allowing this change to happen is going to take a level of courage and vulnerability. It’s going to take me acknowledging and letting go of all my little self-sabotaging habits that have kept me overweight all this time.
Breathe….just breathe…I can do this.