Fort Nikki…

Over the last few weeks I have been looking internally at a lot of different things. Situations and decisions have come up in my life that I have never really had to navigate before and two very dear friends have taken the time to point something quite painful, but necessary out to me.

Outwardly you wouldn’t know that I am a very private…introvert. After some thought and a little bit of reading, I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I can’t count the number of people on one hand that I trust and I don’t let many people in. This has slowly started to change with the blogging and the posting of my pictures on my Facebook, but those are small changes that I tell myself are good steps towards my goals. What the truth is, I have built a really great fort around me. I have made it up of sparkles, glitter, unicorns, and I am standing on the inside wanting to let people in, but so overcome with fear, at times, that it is easier to just keep the draw bridges up and the moat filled with alligators and sharks.

There are things in this life that I want to accomplish and I have it like I can accomplish them. Can I if I am held up in this fort all the time? Can I really accomplish them if I insist on doing it on my own? Can I really accomplish all the things I want to accomplish with the teeny tiny changes that I am making? Is that commitment? Is living this way making me happy? Bringing me joy?

I am very lucky and so grateful for the things I have in my life, my intention here is not to complain. I am just acknowledging that I tend to lean a lot towards the “I can do it myself” and “I don’t really need anyone’s help” way of operating. Not right or wrong, good or bad, but to accomplish some of the things I want to I won’t be able to do it alone and without people I trust. I acknowledge that I have always been a fan of the “safe and calculated” moves outside my comfort zone. Time for some bigger leaps! 

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