A Funeral…

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You know when you have one of those cries, the really therapeutic ones. The one where your face is all red and puffy, and you had no idea it was human possible for your body to produce that much fluid and go through that much Kleenex, all the while wondering what is causing this.

That was me, last night. I was curled up on the couch watching TLC’s “The Little Couple” when it started.  In an effort to distract myself, I did the dishes, didn’t work, tears still flowed. I had a long hot shower, didn’t work, tears still flowed. Getting concerned about dehydration I started to drink some tea and I started to reflect on the day, to get to the source of the tears.

I received an email from Emilia, my trainer. It’s scary how well she knows me. She sent me a link with a request to do this challenge with her. Thinking it was some sort of run, obstacle course or fitness challenge I clicked on the link. Boy was I wrong! It was a “Love Your Body Challenge” (http://mollygalbraith.com/2014/03/im-baaaaaack/). I read the article and instantly started shaking my head with a forceful “Not in your life” motion. Now a reaction like that was quickly followed by a text to Emilia that said “I’m in.” Yesterday I sat down and began to answer the first 10 questions which really have you address how you feel, act, talk and respond to thoughts about your body. I wrote out in detail my responses to the questions. Some of the questions I have answered before and some of them I have previously avoided answering. I was 100% honest.

In addition, on Friday I spent some time with a guy friend that proceeded to have a conversation with me about my body, and why he liked it and why I didn’t. It was different having this conversation with a guy, from his perspective. It was a really, very difficult conversation to have. I have spent all my life telling myself that no guy will ever love my body, then to have a man sitting in front of me telling me he did…..

Now, it was all starting to make sense. I have been going through a lot of change over the last few months. My father passing away, leaving an old, comfortable, unhappy job for a better more exciting new one, facing life, taking charge, making changes, putting in an effort to view my life and the world from a newer, happier, brighter perspective. Taking on this challenge and taking the first step to start loving myself more than anything else. Last night was a funeral, putting to rest the destructive parts of me and working to embrace me, for everything that I am.

Join the challenge 🙂

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