Down & Dirty 30 – 10 lbs of Fear….

ee5b5e735f34d6196ba87b176cd54ed2I have butted heads a couple times this week with a thought that I just try to push aside and ignore….

I have been attending Weight Watchers for just over a month now and I have yet to hit the 10lbs lost mark.

I come really close and then life happens and all of a sudden I have this really valid and great excuse. I talk with a few friends and I get the “Well you are packing and preparing to move, it is normal.” Till last night I was talking with my friend two provinces over and she said “So, you are bending and lifting etc….don’t let the food change!!” I am ever present at this exact moment to the true battle that comes with weight loss…the mental one.

I have spent a lot of time dealing with the emotional and mental reasons behind why I put on the weight. The weight is layers and layers of protection from the childhood bullies, an absent father and an overall belief in myself that I am not good enough. It is really easy to use all of those reasons as excuses. If you talk to any overweight person you will find that the layers of protection are there for a reason. Some people deal with life through eating, some drinking, some not eating at all.

Here is what I know about the last two weeks. I have had a total of 4/9 days where watching what I am eating has not been a priority. I have been dealing with a left knee that is only now starting to co-operate with movement. I have started packing and purging my apartment like a mad woman. Change is the word of the day on a regular basis, but I have not once caved and done any binge eating. Yes I have eaten a few things that are on the “no fly” list, but I haven’t once sank back into a black hole of binge eating abyss. This is a step forward for me.

Ruthless compassion. This journey is not about being done perfectly. That I am crystal clear about. For me it is acknowledging and reaching out when I am struggling or feel myself slipping backwards. Being compassionate with myself and not being such a drill sergeant. Also not allowing the same thoughts and patterns over the last 9 days to continue. I know that there are going to be some of you reading this, passing judgment. That is fine, pass away. To judge is human, but I hope that when you struggle and are sliding back into old habits that you embrace the judgment that others are passing along to you.

No personal journey is about being perfect. I want nothing more than to go back to how easy week 1 was, before life crept in. Right now with the move I don’t know that that is possible, but I do know that I can control the food that goes into my mouth and I can go for short walks and my newest idea….making a cardio dance party out of packing.

Acknowledge your struggles, no matter how frequently they seem to appear and slowly they have less and less power. I will pass the 10lbs lost mark by April 1. That is my promise.

Where are you struggling? What are you struggling with? Shoot me an email (evershrinkingdiva@gmail.com), message me on Facebook I am hear to listen and/or provide whatever help I can! Must be ok with no judgment, ruthless compassion and love.

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