No More Shame…

Excuse the chipped nail polish on the toes ;)

Excuse the chipped nail polish on the toes ūüėČ

This is one of those posts that I have written, deleted, re-written, edited about 100 times since Sunday (you will see the date stamp in the photo). I am making a request as you read this post. Do not shame me, keep your opinions to yourself and if you have that little voice inside your head shouting opinions and comments, please keep them inside your head. Don’t be¬†a troll…move along.

I have carried a lot of shame and attachment around the number that I weigh. There is 2 people in the universe that know “roughly” what my number is, but not the exact number. One of my favorite TV shows premiered last night for it’s 5th season, Extreme Weight Loss. I love this show for a mountain of reasons and if you don’t watch it, start. To start the journey they always weigh in, no shirts and shorts, sports bra only for the ladies. This weigh in takes place¬†in front of their friends, family or a crowd of some sort. This has always made me uncomfortable and last night I was very present to the shame about my number and I drew a line in the sand and decided no more!

336. When you look at me do you see the number 336? No? Well, that’s how much I weigh. The reason why I want you to all see that number is because I want you all to see that that number no longer has a hold on me. I know that I have caused this number and all the struggles that it has brought. I am strong and will be victorious over this number. I am not a number on a scale. I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a best friend and a fighter!

Want to see more numbers?

Chest: 47‚ÄĚ / Waist: 49‚ÄĚ / Hips: 60‚ÄĚ (thank you genetics) / R. Thigh: 34‚ÄĚ / R. Calf: 19 ¬ĺ‚ÄĚ

They are just numbers. They no longer define who I am, where I am going or what I am capable of. If you don’t like my numbers, that is fine, you have your own set of numbers, look at those ones instead.

I will no longer live inside of shame. I am going to take pride in my body and all that it is capable of. I am going to embrace my body of the glory and wonder that it has allowed me to experience. Now I am going to treat it with respect and start loving it the way it deserves to be loved.

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Joys of Juicing…

Thank you Google Images for the photo

Thank you Google Images for the photo

Tomorrow will be exactly 1 week since I received my juicer and I am in love.

I start every morning with a juice. All those vitamins, minerals and juicy goodness is the first thing that hits my body in the morning and wakes everything up. I was off work¬†the first few days, so I¬†consumed 2-3 juices a day while eating about 95% clean. For those that may not know what “clean eating” is…eating nothing that is taken out of a package, has been processed or has an ingredient that I can not pronounce. A lot of fruits and¬†vegetables with minimal chicken and fish. I have chosen for now, to remove all red meat from my diet. What Forks over Knives on Netflix and you’ll understand why, in addition, I find my digestive system doesn’t process it kindly…to me that is a sign to remove it.

For the first two days it took my body some time to adjust and I did not venture far from home. Day 3 was met with a visit to the Dr because my entire face and chest broke out in tiny white bumps and hives and I was itchy from here to the heavens! My Dr. smiled, laughed and after our conversation welcomed me to the world of detox and your body trying to expel all the garbage. I was sent home with a prescription to keep doing what I am doing and not itch, by Monday the bumps and hives were gone.

Here are a¬†few of other things I have noticed right off the bat….

  • I suffered from chronic heartburn/acid reflux for the past few months- Tums¬†had become my best friend¬†– haven’t had it since I starting juicing and eating clean
  • I have had no desire or need for my morning coffee – no headaches, no caffeine withdrawal, no crankiness. I had it Sunday out of habit and then trying to break the habit on my way into work this week¬†has been interesting. I will be switching to tea and will go from there.
  • I have not woken up once in the middle of night – sleeping solid for the first time since I moved. This may not be souly to juicing, but more a comfort and adjustment to my new surroundings. Perhaps a combination of both.

I have been asked by a couple people since yesterday’s post if I will be doing the big 60 day juice cleanse that Joe Cross does in the movie. After speaking with my Dr., the answer is, not at this time. The most I will consider is a 3 day cleanse and that is mostly to remove the refined sugar and cravings that are still running rampant. Last¬†night, I ate a fairly processed meal and let me tell you my body was NOT happy. I am not going to commit to eating 100% clean, healthy and make no mistakes or slip ups because that just isn’t practical or realistic.

My goal is to 100% remove refined sugar/sweeteners and to clean eat 90-95% of the time. For my first week it has gone better than expected I am sitting at about 80% which I am happy with. For the first time in a very LONG time I don’t feel deprived, concerned or worried about falling “off this wagon.” This seems easy and simply.

As my Grandmother always used to tell me “Proof is in the pudding sweetheart.” I never fully understood what pudding had to do with it, but I get what she was saying ūüôā Time to put some proof on the table…

Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead…

First Spud delivery!

First Spud delivery!

As most of you know I recently moved. In that move I made the decision to give up the extensive cable package (aka couch potato package) that I had come accustomed to, knowing that I would register with Crave TV or Netflix. About 3 weeks back I finally registered for Netflix. I have never been a big documentary fan, but let me tell you I am hooked!¬†Two weeks ago I¬†stumbled across one called Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead. If you haven’t watched this, stop reading and go watch it….right now….I’ll wait…..

The following day I watched Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2 followed by Hungry for Change. I have done my fair share of personal development work, read quite a few books, same on the nutrition front. They all say the same thing. Some you listen too and it just clicks, they are speaking your language. The idea of juicing was not a foreign concept to me, it was something I had thought about and done some research on, but holy sweet jeebus Joe Cross was speaking my language! The following evening I was at my chiropractor telling her about the movies and she was already on the juicing bandwagon and immediately told me that Joe Cross was going to be in Vancouver, speaking last Monday. My head was spinning, this was all happening within a week and I have always¬†been a big believer in signs so…of course I went to hear him speak and drug along the BFF. I will do a separate post on my review of the movies and his talk later this week for those that are curious.

Last week I registered with spud.ca (will do a review after I have received a couple orders), purchased a juicer and my first order of organic produce was delivered right to my front door. I also took the opportunity to go through my kitchen and cleared out about 95% of the processed food I had in my fridge and cupboards. I have not moved souly to juicing or doing a juice cleanse. My track record for bandwagon jumping is not good, so I am going to do this slowly. I am removing processed food and sugar from my everyday eating and breakfast is now a juice followed by one later in the afternoon if I am so inclined. This morning it was spinach, kale, apple, celery, cucumber and lemon. My favorite so far has been beets, oranges and carrots. Seriously SO D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S! I have always struggled to eat my vegetables and now I have no problem. Removing processed food and refined sugar is something EVERYONE needs to do.

I have been stuck in a “rut” since the move and I furnished that rut, which is never a good place to be. I had a sit down CBhx3goU0AE0xTQwith one of my trainers Taren on Friday and she pushed a few buttons and reminded me of my big picture goal. Last night, after a conversation with a friend who commented on not seeing some posts recently, he¬†gave me another oh so gentle push. I can sit in the rut and let it win or I can do one thing each day that moves me more towards my goal, the choice is mine!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post where I will tell you about breaking out in hives all over my face thanks to juicing!

Have Not Been Myself….

change-quoteAs most of you are aware I have been M.I.A…

Thank you to those that have sent¬†emails, texts and nudges…I am here.

I would like to be able to provide a valid reason for what has been going on, but truth be told…I¬†have been hiding, keeping to myself.

I have been in my new home for exactly a month now and I am STRUGGLING to get into a routine. I have a longer commute to and from work, grocery stores and¬†fitness facilities are not as close as they once were and I am adjusting to life in a very quite neighborhood. I went from living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building to ground level in a very beautiful house, and for a girl with an over-active imagination this has caused some very restless sleeps and frequent noise checks…in the middle of the night…with a weapon. I¬†LOVE my new place and I don’t regret my choice to move one bit, but the transition wasn’t what I was expecting. Pile on top of that work has gotten CRAZY busy and has me awake at 5:00am dealing with clients and candidates and then it is a constant hustle throughout the day trying to keep up in some areas, falling behind in others…and for a perfectionist/Type A personality like me that is tough. A bit of a backslide in eating has also brought on the reoccurrence of some health issues that were resolved…

There it is…the whole ugly truth about what is going on in my brain. Then there is that little voice that is chirping away “Just plan better” or “Stop being a baby” or my personal favorite “Told ya you couldn’t do it, you suck at change.”

I am hoping that by finally coming out of hiding, sharing this with you, combined with some activities I have lined up over the weekend, this will start to have my head rest a little more steadily above water and I can stop experiencing the feeling of drowning.

I very much intend to restart my “Sexy in My Skivvies” challenge I just need to find my groove before that happens, but fear not it will return.

life-changes