Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 8

PhotoGrid_1435675364804WIN FOR NIKKI!!!!! Holy moly yesterday was a tough one, but sweet hannah banana I DID IT!

In the move at work, the fridge didn’t make it, unable to take my healthy lunch because it needed a fridge, I was left relying on my sheer determination to make healthy choices. I don’t have the greatest track record when left to my own devices for eating out. I did quite well! I told my co-workers on either side of me “If I come back from the food court downstairs with something other than salad, you have my permission to take it away from me.” No need because I came back with a salad. There were a couple points in the day where I has fighting some serious sugar cravings, but I pushed threw them. I nailed my macros yesterday, on the penny according to MyFitnessPal. I keep forgetting to do more discovery into this point of eating. One day at a time….

The BIG WIN from yesterday that ties almost to perfectly into Molly’s Day 8 of the Love Your Body Challenge is my exercise. I came in at a delicious 20,077 steps on my Fitbit. My cousin and I did a wickedly long walk that involved a couple hills and a couple breaks on some benches in the shade. It was a hot one yesterday, but we pushed threw and by the time I got home I was sitting at 19,541 and I was happy, but had this thought that kept nagging me. “Put your shoes back on Nikki and crack 20k.” I kept ignoring it because I was tired, my feet and legs were aching something bad. I was perfectly content to sit on the couch with my feet up and keep pushing that thought aside. Then, my friend Kasandra, who was been a friend since about birth, because our mom’s are best friends, shot me a message and at 10pm last night, in my flip flops I walked around the block breaking the 20K mark as I walked back to my front door. I was so stinking proud of myself for pushing through despite the part of my brain that didn’t want me too.

I then sad down to complete my Day 8 homework. When I read it I laughed and then had a wee cry…the universe if funny sometimes

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 8

Because it can move.

Boy did I sure prove that yesterday! I remember a few years ago I was having some lower back pain that left me unable to talk and function normally for a couple of days. I was in tears for those couple days. To this day I see a chiropractor for preventative measure so that I never experience that level of pain again. I have been on crutches…a few times, had my leg in a cast, and a dislocated shoulder…just to name a few, but my body keeps moving.

Mantra: I love my body. It allows me the privilege to move freely, and I will take full advantage of that privilege as often as I can.

Action Step: Take 3 mins to write down a list of all the ways that your body moves each day.

I feel really lucky that my body, with all the excess weight, has allowed me to do some of the things that it does. I am able to workout with my trainer and lift weights and do exercises that I know some struggle to do. As much as I hate burpees, the fact that I can do them, although not always graceful, amazes me. I can go for a long ass walk, spending time in the sun with my cousin, laughing and talking when most people are looking for a fan to sit in front of. When my nieces were little I was able to pick them up to hug and squeeze them and play with them. Each of our bodies is capable of amazing things, it is our minds that we need to get out of the way.

I have one exercise that I know is mostly mental for me, but my body is fully capable of doing. A box jump.

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 7

Day 7

Day 7

Alright y’all this heat and humidity here in Vancouver is reaching epic proportions and yesterday was no fun! My tummy was still a bit skittish on the food front. I find myself getting really concerned about “the numbers” I am constantly watching the calories in vs out and monitoring my fear of going over. I follow a lot of people on social media that talk about this and the downfall. I want to do this in a healthy manner and want to make sure that I do not develop an obsession with the numbers….

I also didn’t take a moment allow myself to fully acknowledge and celebrate my 2.2lbs weight loss last week.  I wrote it out and did a fist pump on the scale, but then I moved right into “Gotta do that again this week” and “Gotta see if I can beat that number.” So I am take a moment to celebrate and acknowledge my goal from last week. All of my hard work paid off and I lost 2.2lbs! I did that! With the help of the friends and family that went on walks with me and check in via texts and phone calls. It was a community effort led by me! There are going to be weeks where I beat that number, weeks where I come in below that number and weeks where I stay the same. That is the nature of weight loss, but the intent of this journey isn’t just weight loss, it is about loving myself whole and complete right now and my entire time on the journey to my goal weight. With that being said…

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 7

Because it can experience pleasure.

Ok, yes that is the first place that my mind went to as well, but let’s keep this PG 13 people! As Molly mentions, that is part of the human experience, but there is so much more!

Mantra: I love my body. It has the ability to bring me immense pleasure in many ways if I can slow down to recognize it.

Action Step: Take 5 mins to write down a list of the pleasures, big and small, simple and complex, that you get to experience on a daily basis, while thinking about your mantra.

When I sit down and focus on the things that bring me pleasure… the first sip of coffee in the morning, drinking a cold iced tea on a hot day, hearing the little bird acknowledge the morning outside the bedroom window, a really great hug, getting an unexpected text that makes you giggle are a few of my favorite things.

Take a moment to stop and smell the roses people. Acknowledge that things that bring you pleasure and do them or experience them when you most need it.

Today holds a challenge for me. I have a walk planned with my cousin Char, and we are going to try to beat my 14,000 steps from last week. On top of that, my office moved over the weekend and the fridge has not yet been delivered so I have no lunch, today will be a venture down to the food court in our new building, where my current plan is to have a salad from the salad bar that is there. I don’t want to get distracted from my goal! Stay tuned for tomorrow to find out!

 

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 6

PhotoGrid_1435508772958So I had a rough day yesterday and a bit this morning…..

Yesterday consisted of my cheat meal….. 2 vegan pancakes with peanut butter, banana and maple syrup on top with 4 slices of turkey bacon. My stomach did not like something in there and my guess is the sugar in the maple syrup because I was in a considerable amount of pain throughout the day. I finally started to feel better around dinner time so I had some quinoa and a little bit of cut up chicken….nope tummy wasn’t having any part of it again. This morning I have had a juice that consisted of beets,carrots, apple and ginger and so far I have a small amount of discomfort, but no where close to yesterday. Funny how your body can just suddenly reject something you’ve eaten lots of previously. I did not track yesterday….I also did not go far from home because of my terribly upset tummy so I just cracked 1500 steps on the ol fitbit. Today I am going to drink lots of water and track, eating fairly clean because I care not to repeat yesterday….ever again.

I sat down last night to complete Day 6 homework…so here it goes….

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 6 

Because it’s served you well.

Molly goes on to talk about how our bodies have served us well and that 98% of the time we take our bodies, and what they do for us, for granted.

Mantra: I love my body.  It may not be 100% perfect, but it’s served me well and it deserves love and compassion.

Action Step:  Take 5 minutes and write down a list of all of the things that you love that your body allows you to do

15 years ago it was discovered, through a near death experience, that the electrical system of  my heart doesn’t always work like it is supposed to, so I had to have a pacemaker put in….as backup. I can feel when my heart uses the pacemaker and every time I am thankful that my body has everything it needs to function and help me live the life that I am living. My body is no where near perfect and probably never will be and I am slowly becoming ok with that. This body that I currently have has allowed me to climb the Grouse Grind, complete a 5K race, hug and kisses my nieces. It also allows me to function on a daily basis. Yes I have had some back issues and heart issues, but we all have experiences and situations to overcome. My body is strong and my goal now is to treat it with love and compassion. To feed it food that will heal it from the inside out. To shed this excess weight so that I can do even more amazing things with it.

This is the only body that I will have. It is not 100% perfect, but it has done some pretty amazing things and it deserves respect, love and compassion.

LoveYourBody2

 

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 5

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Day 5

Yesterday was a successfully difficult day. Making a funny face at that sentence…let me explain.

I was so pumped for yesterday. Excited for my session with Taren and riding the high of first week successes. I kept reminding myself that I have a great first week track record for these challenges it is weeks 2-4 that I need to nail. Looking at the homework of the Love Your Body Challenge, I was seeing the benefits and a few differences in my thought patterns until…..I got home from my session with Taren. During the session Taren took out my phone for some photos and a video clip of our workout for me to share. I was stoked! Until I got home and watched the clip.

I was watching the 30 second clip and watching myself and well…I spent the next 40 minutes curled up in my rocking chair crying. Why was I crying…my body. I began to rip it APART. There was no way I was going to share this clip or the photos she took. I look at myself in the mirror every day, but for some reason this video clip brought me to tears. All I was present to was shame and embarrassment. So I sat with that until I got a few texts from a friend that made me laugh. Feeling a bit better I sat down in front of my laptop to do Day 5 of Molly’s Love Your Body Challenge and well CRAP!

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 5 

Because it’s beautiful.

The tears quickly flowed and so I took the night to reflect and focus on my intentions. I woke up this morning present to the shame, so I did what any sane person would do, I posted the video on my social media accounts. After doing that I stepped on the scale and I LOST 2.2lbs this week! Yes, I did the damage to my body, but feeling that shame and crying those tears is not going to do anything about it. Doing exactly what I have been doing this week will. The scale proved that. My society’s standards I may not be beautiful, but who cares what society thinks. I refuse to let the shame and tears win.

Mantra: I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful when I______.

I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful when I am helping others and letting my kindness shine through.

Action Step: Write down the two things that you find to be most beautiful about yourself, one external example, and one internal example, and when you’re writing them down, really take yourself to that place of feeling beautiful.  Make sure you repeat your mantra during your action step.

I am steeling a page from Molly here, because it is the shame. I get compliments on my eyes all the time so that is defiantly my external feature. I too struggle with only seeing it when they have make up on them, but I am working on that. My most beautiful internal feature I would say is my kind heart. I will always help someone if I can, where I need to be careful is when people take advantage of that.

What do you say are your example of internal and external beauty?

In reviewing the rest of the aside from last nights hiccup (which is to be expected), I had a great day with my eating. I stayed with my 1800 calories and I had a great day with exercise. I took my Fitbit off during my session with Taren, but we were doing weights & cardio, similar to circuit training and I knew when I added the exercise to MyFitnessPal and then added my Fitbit, I didn’t want to get double the calories and I am not certain if when the two apps sync they acknowledge that…..but I still got a good burn yesterday and manage to meet my 10K even with taking my Fitbit off!

Today is the day that I am not tracking my calories. I want to be mindful and careful of getting to attached to the numbers. I have my cheat meal planned although when I told my co-worker I was accused of it not being a cheat meal…I will be having dairy free, egg free, gluten free pancakes with turkey bacon. But! on my pancakes I am going to put peanut butter and maple syrup and I am not going to measure it! To me that is my cheat meal this week, it is what I want so it is what I will have!

Oh…enjoy the full clip below…

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 4

Day 4

Day 4

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!! There are many reasons that I am super excited for today….can you tell? First reason, my company is moving to some brand new, pretty swanky, new digs so there is a lot of hustle and bustle and packing going on. Secondly, today I get to have a 60min torture session with Taren, one of my personal trainers I work with. Although I moan, groan and complain about how horrible she is….secretly I love it! Finally, the sun is shining and we are gonna have some pretty great weather this weekend so how can I not be in a good mood!

Yesterday was a challenge, but productive day. I had a dentist appoint in the afternoon that let to half my face and my nose being frozen and I was a bit sore. I contemplated going home to lie down, but opted for pulling up my big girl panties and I tried out a gym that is attached to one of the skytrain stations here in Vancouver. I got a wicked 35min hill walk in on the treadmill and did some weights focusing on my arms. YAY for the 11,000 steps on my Fitbit!

Eating was interesting. I found myself with virtually no appetite yesterday and was eating because I knew that I needed too. I had almost 300 calories left at the end of the day and although I am trying to loose weight I can hear my trainers in my head reminding me that my body needs fuel to burn the fat, so I made a pretty delicious protein shake that tasted exactly like a Pumpkin Pie! I slept like a baby last night and was awake before my alarm. Wanna know where I struggled….

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 4

This is where I struggled. I know that this challenge is mainly focused on the mental aspect of weight loss and repairing my emotional state, but I keep having the thought that these exercises are me bragging about myself. I know I mentioned that yesterday, but when I sat down last night to complete Day 4 the same thing came up. My dear friend Tiffany said this to me “SHINE!” so I put pen to paper…or I guess it is fingers to keyboard and here we go.

Molly’s focus for Day 4 is acknowledge the fact that your body and your like is a miracle. She is right. Everyone is born with a purpose on this planet. No one is born by accident or mistake despite what they/you believe. We all have a light inside that we acknowledge and let shine or that we cover up and hide. I cover up and hide mine with food and fear.

Mantra: My existence is a miracle. I am not here by accident. My life has purpose and meaning, and that purpose and meaning is _________________.

Action Step: Write down what your life purpose and meaning is. Write about how you discovered it and allow yourself to recognize yourself for the impact that you’re having and that you will have on those around you. Feel extremely proud.

For me, I find that I am discovering more and more each day, as I move forward in my weight loss journey, what my meaning and purpose is. I can remember back to growing up in a small town. Bullied in elementary and high school because of my weight. My mom would put me in these classes or group activities and I was always the biggest girl, never feeling comfortable and free to express myself. I always tried to hide or do/say what was necessary to fit in. As I travel through this journey and share it with all of you I want every child/girl/teenage/woman to know that they do not have to feel that way. Embrace that you are different! Embrace that you are weird or “left of center” as I call it! Give yourself an effin’ hug for being you. I want to shine and to encourage others to embrace their spark and shine bright as well. Even typing that I can feel my heart fill with pride and purpose and it makes me want to cry. I never want to apologize for who I am again.

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Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 3

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The bottom right was me last night till about 9 worry about my activity

So….for a majority of last night I was beating myself over my head with the ol’ battering ram I have become accustom too. I was motoring around my apartment doing food prep and cutting up vegetables to make more juice. By the time I was all done and got the kitchen back to a respectable state, looked at the clock and it was 9pm….bugger all hell.  I was at 6000 steps on my Fitbit and had not yet completed yoga. I am going to get really honest with you, my cubby plus size ladies will understand this….I am dealing with a case of what I call “chub rub.” It is that area of skin in between your thighs that with increased activity, friction and heat can create a bit of a sore or a rash. Well I have a sore and it isn’t pretty. So I climbed into the shower and then sat down on the couch, put some cream on my sore and completed my Day 3 homework. I was so busy running around trying to get everything done, get in my steps, do Yoga, worrying about the time, beating myself up until I decided that this thought pattern has never worked for me. So I took a deep breath and decided that this week Wednesday is was my rest day. It was originally scheduled for Sunday, but I made the choice to swap them.

I am quite pleased with where I ended up on the eating front. Yesterday I didn’t experience that many hunger pains, although I did cave when my co-worker brought chocolate covered pretzels into out office, but I had 3 and I was totally fine! I pulled out my phone and plunked them into MyFitnessPal and I am still happy to report that I stayed under my goal of 100g of sugar, coming in at 72g. I was also tickled with getting closer to my goal of 1800 calories! Now for the homework….

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 3

This one took some thought and I really had to face my difficulty with acknowledging myself and what I am capable of. Day 3 was all about loving your body because it is strong. Molly covers physical, mental and emotional strength and that we do things on a daily basis that tests our endurance in these 3 areas yet we do not take the time to sit back and acknowledge that, we just plow through. We need to give ourselves credit.

Mantra: I am strong enough to _____________, and I am proud of that.

Action Step: Write down  one way that you demonstrate incredible physical strength, mental strength and emotional strength. Let yourself relish in the memory of the last time you did these things and let yourself feel proud.

I am strong enough to survive the several surgeries it took to – it was 4 in total. To have a pacemaker implanted so that my heart can continue to beat. I am grateful and thankful for my strong heartbeat that I feel each and every day.

I am strong enough to ensure the death of my Father. I am able to find forgiveness and love. His passing was unexpected and although he struggled his love for his children never waned.

I am strong enough to care all of this excess weight on a daily basis. I am able to walk, move and exercise to make my body even stronger while I intend to carry much less weight. I am proud of my ability to willingly share my journey with all of you.

Below is a favorite clip of mine because I believe it captures the strength that everyone has, specifically woman, and our need to take time for ourselves to acknowledge that and KICK SOME SERIOUS A$$!

 

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 2

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Day 2

Ok…not gonna lie I woke up this morning with a bit of a hate on for exercise and no desire to partake in it in any form today. Yesterday I was able to squeak in just over 11,000 steps on the ol’ Fitbit. It took something though. My body was a bit achy from the day one, plus I was at the chiropractor yesterday afternoon where she rudely pissed off some muscles to get them to heal from an injury. I enjoyed a lovely walk along the river in New West with my dear friend Tiffany. Spending time with her is like a high dose of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns. Despite my muscles objections and my desire to not walk the 10,000 steps…we did it! I woke up this morning with sore muscles and no desire to do any bits of exercise, so….I will do 30 mins of Yoga to stretch my muscles and spend some time with my foam roller. I also commit to a minimum of 8000 steps on my Fitbit. I want to be careful and listen to my body, I do not want to cause an injury later on.

I ate less calories than the day before but defiantly S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E.D with hunger yesterday. My specific focus is to only intake 1800 calories a day, but it will take some time to cut back to that. I am not going to hack myself off at the knees like I have previously resulting in the feeling of being deprived. Yesterday I was also having some sugar cravings. I know that there were 2 times that I did a bit of grazing, but it was on cashews and I estimated it in the journal. There were a couple times yesterday where all I wanted was SUGAR and it took a lengthy conversation with myself, but I succeeded and that is what matters.

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 2

I struggled with this mantra a bit, still am this morning if I am 100% honest. Molly talks about our bodies being capable of some pretty amazing things. I am struggling with finding something that I am amazing at or capable of doing. What I come up with is usually followed by the thought “That’s lame Nikki, don’t type that.” Interesting how when I need to focus on being kind to myself I am struggling…so here it goes.

Mantra: I am capable of ___________, and that’s awesome. In fact, I am capable of anything I set my mind to, that I am willing to work for.

I am capable of baking some really delicious desserts? I am capable of making people laugh with my sarcastic sense of humor? I am capable of…what is coming up for me is the experience of not wanting to sound like I am “bragging.” So I am going to choose making people laugh or smile with my sarcastic sense of humor!

Action Step: If you click the link above you’ll see that we had a choice of 2 and I am choosing the second option. Think about something you’ve been wanting to do/learn/master and set a reasonable time limit to achieve it. Reasonable is the key word here.  Keep repeating the mantra to remind yourself that you can do anything that you set your mind to as long as you’ll work for it.

I have always wanted to learn how to box/kickbox. The few times that I have done it with Emilia in our one on one sessions it has been so much fun and I love the feeling I get afterwards. It is hard to explain. It is a feeling of accomplishment, release and pride. So, I am going to pursue that. I know there are quite a few gyms and facilities in Vancouver that offer these lessons, so by July 5 I will have sorted out my budget to accommodate this and taken or be signed up to take my first class. The thought of group activities is not my favorite because my mind goes crazy with “You’ll be the biggest person there” or “People will judge you”, but I don’t care. That is what this challenge is about!

Kiss my A$$ comfort zone!

Sexy In My Skivvies – Day 1

Day 1

Day 1

Day 1 was a great first day! The support I received from my community for the offers to go for walks, to be available via the phone if I am struggling, it was overwhelming and I thank each and every one of you! My heart if full.

I did well in the eating department. I am using MyFitnessPal and I ate more calories than I intended, but according to the app I didn’t go over what I was allowed. Still a little high for my liking. I am also needing to do a little research because they have done an update since I last used the app and they have this whole macros breakdown, which from my quick reading is something that I need to pay closer attention too.

The best part of my day….spending time with my cousin Charmagne. It had been easily 10-12 years since we have seen each other and about 15-16 years since we had had a significant conversation. She was at my Uncle’s birthday party beginning of the month and we made a plan to go for a walk and walk we did! Funny when you get to talking you forget how far you are walking, so it was a delight to BLOW my 10K steps out of the water. We have also made the date to beat the steps next week! Then it was time to sit down and do some of the mental work…

Love Your Body Challenge – Day 1

So right out of the gate Molly hits you with 10 questions that you need to answer, rating yourself on a scale or 1-10. I got 18 out of a possible 100 points. The questions are asking you to rate yourself on your perception and how you feel about yourself. So, there is some work to do, which is why I am taking on this challenge with all of you! Each day also comes with a mantra and an action step that I will share with you. You can also click the link attached above, or (here)

The first reason to love your body is “Because It’s Yours.” Molly is right when she explains that this is the only body you have. I take care of some of my belongings better than I take care of myself, which when reading through her right up on Day 1 blew my mind. Why would I take care of a pair of shoes, my tablet or my iPod better than I take care of my body?!?! My shoes are not going to heal me when I am ill, my tablet is not going to stop me from huffing and puffing when I climb the damn hills that New Westminster seems to be riddled with. So…

Mantra: “My body is my home. It’s the ONLY place I have to live. I will treat it with the care and respect it deserves”

I can see clearly that if you truly love your body, stuffing it with junk food, high fat and foods that serve no nutritional value is not loving and respecting the body you are living in. Just as taking drugs and drinking excessively is not loving and respecting the body you live in. Quite frequently, I think it is easy to take for granted what my body does for me. My legs provide me with the ability to walk with very little trouble. My heart, although aided by a device due to a birth defect, beats as frequently as it is supposed to. I can look around and see people who’s bodies have failed them in some way by no fault of their own. So, knowing this why would I not do everything I know to do to take care of it.

Action Step: Do one really nice thing to take care of yourself today

One of my areas for improvement in taking care of myself is sleep. I had a nice hot shower and got ready for bed last night. Due to a friend emergency I didn’t get the sleep I was hoping for, but I am making it a focus for the week. Sometimes friends are more important than sleep! Today I have another long walk planned with my friend Tiffany and then I am going to take my magnificent body home, feed it a nutritious dinner and treat it to a very loving bubble bath.

Sexy in my Skivvies is not just dealing with the physical aspects of looking good in my knickers, it is also about having the confidence to rock those sexy panties and not feel self-conscious about what my thighs look like, or my tummy or my arms.

What really nice thing are you going to do today to take care of your body?

So It Begins…

LoveYourBody2I have been toying with the idea for about a week now, jumping on the wagon, then off, then back on, then off, then back on and have chosen to not jump off this time….

I woke up this morning to one thought “SEXY IN MY SKIVVIES STARTS TODAY!” I was then flooded with the thoughts of “Crap, I didn’t pack my lunch”, “Crap I am walking with my cousin Char tonight and I didn’t pack my bag”, “Crap, why was I so lazy last night!” So I made a choice. I can get my ass out of bed on the first alarm or I can hit snooze and roll over. Guess what I did? Yes, I got out of bed on the second alarm!

I have packed a healthy lunch, I have my kicks ready for a fun walk with my cuzzie and I have also set some time aside tonight to complete Day 1 (again) of the Love Your Body Challenge by Molly Galbraith. This 30 Day Challenge will focus a little more on the mental aspect of weight loss than I have ever previously dealt with. Here is what I am learning….

Any major change or shift you want to make in your life first has to start in your mind and in your soul. I have a really great track record of on again off again and although I have never given up, I would love to complete a 30 day challenge in its entirety, no excuses, no reasons, no injuries. Where I have always stopped previously is in the mental game, when I start to face my self-worth and have to start to deal with my opinion about myself.

Over the next 30 days….

1. I will complete Molly’s challenge each day and share with you the following day

2. I will be using MyFitnessPal as my food journal – I will not hide anything from the journal

3. 10K steps on the ol’ Fitbit EVERY DAY

4. Removing refined sugar from my diet completely – I have already reduced it, but now it is time for it to go completely. This is also in conjunction with some of the other foods that I have sensitivities too, a couple have snuck back in recently and I will be removing them (damn you cheese!).

I also know that one of the ways to get through this is support and community. As much as I hate accepting support and encouragement from others, because I am a big fan of the “I’ll do it myself” mentality, it won’t work in this situation. So…if you live in Vancouver and feel like going to the gym, are up for a walk, or just generally feel like moving more….Let’s Go!

Shame….

110449-108335So…there is one comment that keeps coming up when I am having conversations with people regarding my last couple of posts.

The word “shame” followed by the comment “You are too hard on yourself ”

I have been a huge fan of Brene Brown for a few years now. I commonly refer to her books as “toss’ers.” I read them, she hits a nerve and I toss the book out the window or across the room. Normally, five to ten minutes later I go grab the book and continue reading. She is a researcher that studies shame, guilt and vulnerability. I have put a link down below to one of her first talks at a TED conference a few years back as well as links to 2 of her books that are favorites of mine.

Brene defines shame as “…the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Shame is something that every human being capable of emotion feels, but it is also something that people sweep under the rug and don’t talk about. You may experience shame in the amount of financial debt you are carrying and having to “keep up appearances” with friends and family. You may experience shame in not being smart enough or qualified enough when turned down for a promotion so you tell your friends a lie to cover it up. A person may experience shame after being sexually assaulted and not want to tell anyone. Someone may experience shame when they have gained 336lbs because they have never really felt like they fit in anywhere. Every human being has experienced shame on one level or another and choose to bury it deep inside, sweep it under the rug because it is awkward and uncomfortable to talk about. Hiding the shame and guilt you feel about things in your life doesn’t make them go away, experiencing them and talking about them does.

“You are too hard on yourself Nikki” Of course I am that is why I gained 336 lbs. I have been living in a world of shame, constantly striving to be perfect, too fit in, too be liked by people I meet. I have this co-worker who constantly makes comments about how I shuffle my feet. I am pretty certain the sound she is referring to is my pants/thighs rubbing together when I walk, but I actually found myself trying to adjust the way I walk when going past her desk as not to disturb her.

It is ridiculous to live in this constant state of shame. This is me, this is my body and I am not going to apologize for it anymore. If someone doesn’t like me, that says more about them than it does me. I am not going to beat myself up anymore for being who I am. This is what that post was about. It is about me not being hard on myself anymore, no more apologizing. No, I am not going to go out there and start being a beotch, but I am going to stop apologizing all the time and hiding who I really am.

I truly believe that if people spoke more about the things that made them uncomfortable…can you imagine how different your life would be? All the time you spent worrying and stressing about it in your brain…gone! That was me stressing and worry about people finding out the number of the scale and always apologizing for being me, gone. I have a lot of free brain power and I love it!

Talk about the one thing in your life that you stress and worry about so much. That one things you fear judgment on or that one thing that you think defines you as not being worthy of love and connection.

Here is a clip of Brene. Enjoy….

 

Here are the links to the 2 books…

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