Yesterday was a successfully difficult day. Making a funny face at that sentence…let me explain.
I was so pumped for yesterday. Excited for my session with Taren and riding the high of first week successes. I kept reminding myself that I have a great first week track record for these challenges it is weeks 2-4 that I need to nail. Looking at the homework of the Love Your Body Challenge, I was seeing the benefits and a few differences in my thought patterns until…..I got home from my session with Taren. During the session Taren took out my phone for some photos and a video clip of our workout for me to share. I was stoked! Until I got home and watched the clip.
I was watching the 30 second clip and watching myself and well…I spent the next 40 minutes curled up in my rocking chair crying. Why was I crying…my body. I began to rip it APART. There was no way I was going to share this clip or the photos she took. I look at myself in the mirror every day, but for some reason this video clip brought me to tears. All I was present to was shame and embarrassment. So I sat with that until I got a few texts from a friend that made me laugh. Feeling a bit better I sat down in front of my laptop to do Day 5 of Molly’s Love Your Body Challenge and well CRAP!
Because it’s beautiful.
The tears quickly flowed and so I took the night to reflect and focus on my intentions. I woke up this morning present to the shame, so I did what any sane person would do, I posted the video on my social media accounts. After doing that I stepped on the scale and I LOST 2.2lbs this week! Yes, I did the damage to my body, but feeling that shame and crying those tears is not going to do anything about it. Doing exactly what I have been doing this week will. The scale proved that. My society’s standards I may not be beautiful, but who cares what society thinks. I refuse to let the shame and tears win.
Mantra: I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful when I______.
I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful when I am helping others and letting my kindness shine through.
Action Step: Write down the two things that you find to be most beautiful about yourself, one external example, and one internal example, and when you’re writing them down, really take yourself to that place of feeling beautiful. Make sure you repeat your mantra during your action step.
I am steeling a page from Molly here, because it is the shame. I get compliments on my eyes all the time so that is defiantly my external feature. I too struggle with only seeing it when they have make up on them, but I am working on that. My most beautiful internal feature I would say is my kind heart. I will always help someone if I can, where I need to be careful is when people take advantage of that.
What do you say are your example of internal and external beauty?
In reviewing the rest of the aside from last nights hiccup (which is to be expected), I had a great day with my eating. I stayed with my 1800 calories and I had a great day with exercise. I took my Fitbit off during my session with Taren, but we were doing weights & cardio, similar to circuit training and I knew when I added the exercise to MyFitnessPal and then added my Fitbit, I didn’t want to get double the calories and I am not certain if when the two apps sync they acknowledge that…..but I still got a good burn yesterday and manage to meet my 10K even with taking my Fitbit off!
Today is the day that I am not tracking my calories. I want to be mindful and careful of getting to attached to the numbers. I have my cheat meal planned although when I told my co-worker I was accused of it not being a cheat meal…I will be having dairy free, egg free, gluten free pancakes with turkey bacon. But! on my pancakes I am going to put peanut butter and maple syrup and I am not going to measure it! To me that is my cheat meal this week, it is what I want so it is what I will have!
Oh…enjoy the full clip below…