I woke up this morning having not slept terribly well because my brain has been processing this week and an odd week it has been.
Nutrition…those of you following along will remember my numerous requests since the beginning of this challenge for help surrounding understand calorie in vs out with MyFitnessPal…here is what I have discovered. I have weight that I am going to shed. I have chosen to not take any magic pills/aids and no surgery. It will be done based purely on lifestyle, nutrition and fitness. I would like to thank the numerous people who have reached out with offers of Jenny Craig, Vital Body, Shakeology, Visalus, etc, but for right now those are not for me. This has to come from me and right now I do not want to spend money on programs, pre-maid meals or multi-level marketing type products. Weight loss is not complicated. If my calorie burn is higher than my calorie intake I will loose weight. The bigger the gap, the more weight I will loose. Changing my relationship with food is changing my thought process. Those requests throughout this challenge were my sneaky way of looking to still eat more calories, looking for a justification. For right now I am going to stick as close to my base calories as possible and eating nutritious, good for me, healthy foods. If I go over because of an apple, carrots or something that fuels my body in a great way then I am not going to sweat about it.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with my cousin, while getting my hair done, and for the first time I realized how easy it will be for me to become a drill sergeant with my calories and instead of over eating or binge eating…under eating…trading one eating issue for another. I did not do a great job this week of managing 2 late nights and dinners. Last night I was starving and not willing to relive Wednesday night, so I purchased a vegetarian breakfast wrap from a café. I did my best to find the nutritional information online, but the company is small enough that it just doesn’t exist. I started to get nervous, “do I really want to risk it and eat it?” and then I realized…..out of all the items they had in their display cabinet, there were about 20 other options that old me would have chosen. I took the time to take a deep breathe, read the labels and choose a wrap that had egg, asparagus, salsa, cilantro, potatoes and cheese. I did my best in my app to find something that looked close and there is a chance that I overshot the calories or I undershot them, but I am not going to beat myself up for it because that is not healthy either. I am going to embrace the fact that I didn’t choose the brownie that was the size my head, the gourmet pizza or the other meat/cheese filled wraps in the cabinet.
I am 18 days into this challenge and if I don’t love myself more on the other side, my intention for this specific challenge will have been lost. I have got 18 days without candy, cookies, cake, chips, pizza, fries, nachos or any of the other foods that I used to binge on. I can hold my hand over my heart and says each day it gets easier, I think about them less and unless sitting right in front of me, I don’t even crave them. I have increased my fitness, and despite two crappy days this week, I am going to continue to improve my fitness. One day at a time!
Because it’s the perfect combination of feminine and masculine, for me.
Mantra: “My body is the perfect blend of masculine and feminine for me, and that feels good.”
Action step: Take 5 minutes to write down the things that you do in your life that make you feel whatever level of femininity feels good to you. Maybe you don’t like feeling very feminine, and that’s OK. Maybe you’re a super girlie-girl, that’s fine too.
I have always been a girlie girl. I am very in touch with my feminine energy. Pink is my favorite color, I love floral prints, I have way to much make-up and I paid my nails on a fairly regular basis. I am not very in touch with my masculine energy or my masculine side. What I do know is that I don’t spend a lot of time, in the gym, working with weights, unless I am with one of my trainers. Why, you might ask? I have never been a big fan of an overly muscular looking female body. I know that this is an urban myth and that lifting weights does not automatically lead to this. I have also believed that an overly muscular body on a female does not look good, looks quite masculine, yes caveman in my thinking! I am working on it! I know that building muscle is going to help with shedding my weight and I am going to begin to embrace that fact!