Resiliency…

IMG_20150821_074203So I admit this post might come off sounding a bit….preachy or shouty. Not my intention. My intention is to share my light bulb moment from last night, so brace yourself!

Why oh why can it just not be as easy as my first 30 day challenge?!?! I ANNIHILATED that goal…getting my feet underneath me with this new challenge has been a S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E! I have been sitting in this “in between” space for about two weeks now and it is been anything but comfortable.

Why am I here? I got complacent. I realized that this journey has no space or time for complacency. I have spoken before of my struggle with communication. I never shared, felt or was in touch with my feelings. I ate, I used food to feel and stuff emotions. In my previous 30 day challenge I removed food as the way of dealing and begun to experience emotions and communicate for the first time. The last two weeks I have stopped. I haven’t been using food…fully….but I also haven’t been communicating. I was living in the world of “I did it!” and adopted the attitude of “I got this handled” and last night I realized I have become complacent. A few things have been bothering me about certain situations and conversations with friends and I shrugged it off and was pretending that it wasn’t bothering me…but it is. I saw this photo on Instagram last night and it was another one of those light switch moments.

The definition of resiliency is ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like”  This whole journey of mine possess the ability for ongoing learning, whether I like it or not. If something isn’t working I can communicate it. It may not always come out sounding great, nice, or making sense, but I can say it. Apologize if I upset or offend someone and keep going. This is my journey and mine alone. I have a goal and I am the only one responsible for getting there. It is necessary to embrace change to get to where you want to go. When you become right in your heart and in your mind, nothing will be able to stop you. I fell down to my knees over the last two weeks, but it is time to recover and keep moving forward towards my goal. I won’t quit.

I have 43 days until my 5K. I have discovered a passion for running. I am not great at it, but I don’t care.

I started communicating last night and I have a couple more conversations to have with some friends and it will or won’t go great and that is ok. My brain naturally goes to the worst possible case scenario and it never turns out that way. Women…we can be such drama queens sometimes 😉

Here is my invitation to you. Communicate, talk. What is working, not working with yourself and the relationships and people in your life. Don’t settle, don’t give up, don’t quit because you think it is all you’re capable of. Don’t stop because you are worried about what they will think, say or do. You are better than that and you deserve better than that.

Life is meant to be lived.

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Sometimes….

2015-08-17 11.00.57I saw this quote on an Instagram page that I follow and of course it was like looking in a mirror. I have been the Queen of Distractionland as of late and it ends today! I have a ton of really great reasons and excuses as to why last week did not start out or go according to plan, but they are just that…reasons and excuses. I allowed them to distract me and stray a tiny way from my course, but I am done and I am back.

The is the whole point of a journey….you start out on a course and at times the course changes and you don’t fully realize you are off course till you are sitting at your laptop on a Sunday morning with a cup of coffee and you look up at your inspiration wall and finally acknowledge that last week you got a little to far down the wrong path. Now, I can easily pick up the bat that I normally tend to beat myself with or I can make the choice to simply acknowledge the error and move on. That is what I am choosing to do. Picking up the bat will serve no purpose or do anything to change what has happened.

You best be ready for my posts and my selfies!

 

Day 1: Many Faces….

PhotoGrid_1439259778330_resizedAlright Peeps! Yesterday was one interesting day!

I woke up this morning and my body is protesting any movement that is faster than that of a turtle pace. I felt like a 90 year old walking to the bathroom and it took my body a few minutes to warm up, but I tell you, I slept like a baby last night!

Yesterday was a challenging Monday and by the time I was leaving work I had Z.E.R.O desire to go to the gym. I was coming up with all sorts of reasons and excuses in my head and I even set out to get “buy in” from a couple friends and my mom. I got on the skytrain and was making peace with my lame decision until I remembered….Oct 4….5K. So as much as I was resistant, off to the gym I went. I did about 40 mins on the elliptical before one of my favorite treadmills became available. Yes, there were other treadmills in the sea of about 30 to choose from, but I have 3 that I like to use. In hindsight 40mins of sweating to the fat burning program probably not the smartest idea because by the time it came to the running I was tired.

I am currently walking 4 mins, run/jog 1 min for 5 intervals. I just finished my second interval and out of no where I started to cry. So I walked and jogged and cried for about 10mins. The girl on the treadmill next to me (running comfortably at 10 mph) asked if I was ok and I told her I was perfectly fine, that I had no idea what was going on. She smiled and said “Running is 100% mental. It brings up sh*t that you had no idea was there. Your brain will give out long before your body will. Just keep running girl.” So that is what I did for 4 intervals. I was drenched in sweat and as hard as I tried I could not get to the 5th interval so I finished, knowing next time I will not do 40mins of cardio before hand.

Food and eating yesterday wasn’t really a challenge, that was the easy part. Although I was quite hungry after my run I did end up eating an extra 100 calorie snack. I have a new FAVORITE breakfast, I can not stop making and eating. I swear it is because of the sprinkles! Everything taste better with sprinkles….plus it tastes like birthday cake. Click here for the recipe. The only change I make to it is that I remove the sweetener and use unsweetened coconut milk. The other night I used chocolate protein powder and chocolate coconut milk….yup chocolate birthday cake! I made this the first time using Vega One and it was not so tasty and an odd green color. Don’t get me wrong, I love Vega and use it in all my smoothie, but in recipes it has never worked for me. Some may be ok with that odd color and taste, but I defiantly was not. I am not allowed whey protein so I have found a delicious rice protein powder that makes these oats a more enjoyable color and more delicious. A lot of the time I will add fresh cut of fruit on the top. If you are looking for a delicious breakfast option this comes with 5 stars from me!

Stay tuned for tomorrow to find out what trouble my big mouth got me into this morning!

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What Did I Sign Up For….

34559-Life-Is-About-Kicking-Ass-Not-Kissing-ItI woke up this morning feeling both overwhelming energy and dred mixing together to create a bad hangover. I woke up excited to begin this 60 day challenge and then I was asking myself “What the hell did I just sign up for?!?!” The perfect place to be. I have always been told that if it doesn’t scare you a lil’ bit it won’t motivate you.

Those of you that have been following me for a while know I have previously completed a 5K. Yes I completed it…but it is time to get honest. I did not do the prep work prior to the race. I did not complete the learning to run program and during the actual race, I ran maybe a quarter of it….I half assed the prep and my commitment was non existent. Sure I was proud of myself for completing it, but I want to complete one with the intention of ensuring I have done everything I know possible ahead of time to have a successful race. I want to be able to beat my previous time…pretty sure it was the 45-50min mark. I want to be able to run a majority of the race. Simply put, I want to do better than I previously did. I want my whole ass to be in, not just half 😉

Mental game…this whole journey is ensuring that my mental game is as strong as my physical one. It must first start in my heart, then move to my head before it can appear in my body.  If there is one thing I have noticed over the last few days, the large quantities of carbs I have been consuming defiantly have affected my mental game. I have been quick to anger, then to tears and an emotional rollercoaster. I know it will take a few days for them to leave my body while I restore the balance back to nutrient dense foods only. I was excited to slide my lunch and snacks into my backpack this morning with my workout gear.

Stayed tuned for how the rest of today goes!

 

Ass Kicking Commences…

motivation-easierWell hello everyone!

I have gotten a bit to “big for my britches,” so to speak. I was struggling to find my next goal that inspired me. I knew it was going to have something to do with running, but nothing my brain seem to come up with really inspired me or motivated me. The great thing was that I was maintaining my eating and exercise post 30 day challenge. I was fully still on the wagon…then middle of last week…. a leg fell off in the form of one delicious sandwich, but I was still holding on and then a wicked bout of PMS hit and since about Thursday I have been allowing myself to be drug behind the wagon, holding on with my fingers tips. What I have been eating…here is the interesting thing. Carbs…it has been all about the carbs….rice, bread, corn chips, flatbread, etc… When I cheated in the past it was all about the sugar. I had a cookie and it was just way to sweet I didn’t enjoy it one bit. I have not had any candy, baked goods, pop or high sugar items, other than that one cookie. I wanted too, but I just kept telling myself “NO” when it came to those items. Last night the bestie looked at me, as we were eating burgers I might add, and said “Have you owned up to it on your blog?” I shook my head no and her response “Looks like you will be doing some writing tomorrow then.” Damn you bestie! The crappy eating it over and done with, my body is so unhappy with me at the moment it isn’t even funny. I have no energy, I ache, bloated, upset tummy, headaches and I am struggling to move. How did I eat like this all the time and function?!?!

Late Friday afternoon I discovered my next challenge and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it…even through burgers last night. Ready for it?!?!?

I will be doing a 60 day challenge and on day 55 my bestie and I will be completing the CIBC Run for The Cure 5K. I should mention that my bestie has previously completed multiple races including a half marathon, she is a runner and running with her intimidates me, but that is where my motivation is. When I am not at boxing or with my trainer I will be continuing on with my learning to run program. I don’t have a specific amount of weight I would like to loose, but am hoping that by the end of the 60 days I will be at or have passed 40lbs lost in total.

Starting tomorrow you will see my daily posts and updates because that is what I know currently works for me as I build the strength around accountability, eating healthy and learning to run. So, all your runners out there please email me your tips, tricks and must haves for a successful training in learning to run! Or if there is a running coach, of sorts, out there that is opening to coaching me via email, text, etc…hit me up at evershrinkingdiva@gmail.com!

Bring it!