Resiliency…

IMG_20150821_074203So I admit this post might come off sounding a bit….preachy or shouty. Not my intention. My intention is to share my light bulb moment from last night, so brace yourself!

Why oh why can it just not be as easy as my first 30 day challenge?!?! I ANNIHILATED that goal…getting my feet underneath me with this new challenge has been a S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E! I have been sitting in this “in between” space for about two weeks now and it is been anything but comfortable.

Why am I here? I got complacent. I realized that this journey has no space or time for complacency. I have spoken before of my struggle with communication. I never shared, felt or was in touch with my feelings. I ate, I used food to feel and stuff emotions. In my previous 30 day challenge I removed food as the way of dealing and begun to experience emotions and communicate for the first time. The last two weeks I have stopped. I haven’t been using food…fully….but I also haven’t been communicating. I was living in the world of “I did it!” and adopted the attitude of “I got this handled” and last night I realized I have become complacent. A few things have been bothering me about certain situations and conversations with friends and I shrugged it off and was pretending that it wasn’t bothering me…but it is. I saw this photo on Instagram last night and it was another one of those light switch moments.

The definition of resiliency is ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like”  This whole journey of mine possess the ability for ongoing learning, whether I like it or not. If something isn’t working I can communicate it. It may not always come out sounding great, nice, or making sense, but I can say it. Apologize if I upset or offend someone and keep going. This is my journey and mine alone. I have a goal and I am the only one responsible for getting there. It is necessary to embrace change to get to where you want to go. When you become right in your heart and in your mind, nothing will be able to stop you. I fell down to my knees over the last two weeks, but it is time to recover and keep moving forward towards my goal. I won’t quit.

I have 43 days until my 5K. I have discovered a passion for running. I am not great at it, but I don’t care.

I started communicating last night and I have a couple more conversations to have with some friends and it will or won’t go great and that is ok. My brain naturally goes to the worst possible case scenario and it never turns out that way. Women…we can be such drama queens sometimes 😉

Here is my invitation to you. Communicate, talk. What is working, not working with yourself and the relationships and people in your life. Don’t settle, don’t give up, don’t quit because you think it is all you’re capable of. Don’t stop because you are worried about what they will think, say or do. You are better than that and you deserve better than that.

Life is meant to be lived.

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