Where Have I Been…

5e2e2146c74e304da8567e8308441903I would like to say that this is going to be a bright and cheerful update, but the truth of the matter is I am a bit closed off and indifferent at the moment…

So…you may have been asking yourself “Where is Nikki?” or “What happened to Nikki?”

Fear not! I am here, but have been going through a challenging time…

The short version is that I have been getting hardcore schooled in the lessons of…

  1. People will do or say whatever they want to get what they want from you/people will lie.
  2. Trust no one.
  3. Having my blog being used as a weapon against me for some people to cover their behinds

I have always been someone that truly wears her heart on her sleeve. I will tell you exactly how I am feeling and I know that, like most people in my family, I lean more towards the “emotional/sensitive” side of the spectrum.

I believe that life always shows you the lessons you need to learn and this has been a difficult one to learn. I got a taste of this one a few years back, but it is funny how it pops up on different levels as you move through phases of life.

What I have noticed through this process, good or bad, I am communicating. There have been times where eating has won, but I did start talking afterwards. I know that this probably all sounds a bit cryptic, I am quite guarded at the moment because of #3.

It is a strange feeling when you have always been someone who is so open, willing to help others, and giving, but when the world hands you a giant heaping of “trust no one” and you can feel yourself shutting down. I know that people go through this in different extremes during life. I know that these past couple months have changed who I am in my core, I am just trying to sort out where to go from here…

Stay tuned….

 

 

 

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Smile, Sweat & Repeat – Day 3

PhotoGrid_1441384117199I have a very exciting update! My walk to the skytrain in the morning, that took me just shy of 20mins yesterday, only took me 13 minutes this morning! Yay for less muscle soreness than yesterday! The thought of moving from a seated to standing position does take a bit of a pep talk, but I still have a sense of pride when it comes to the reasons behind my sore muscles.

Yesterday went a bit sideways in the eating department. I attended the farmer’s market, as planed, with a friend of mine. Both of us are eating on the healthier side, but last night we made a choice to eat and sample our way through the farmers market. Now, it would have been super easy to not log and hide what I did, but honestly I don’t regret it. We sat at a picnic table, talked and had some munchies. It was a great evening and I won’t trade that. So, I set out logging what I ate and low and behold when I looked at it, it was far worse in my head than reality. I am also paying this morning with one upset and noisy tummy. The other bee in my bonnet, I searched the market high and low last night for a vegetable that I haven’t tried before and not a one, so that will be my goal with weekend, a new vegetable and a new recipe!

For exercise today and this weekend I am going to try Zumba for the first time and make sure my but makes it for a run at least once! What does everyone else have planned this long weekend?!?!?

Smile, Sweat & Repeat – Day 2

PhotoGrid_1441290869953_resizedWell lord alive, yesterday was not my smartest day ever to go down in the history books…

I was plenty sore from my workout with Meego and when I woke up yesterday morning I realized I had my final session with Emilia at Seva….yup back to back sessions. Let me tell you beast mode was most defiantly on because despite the pain I KILLED my final session with Emilia. There was a fair amount of complaining, but Emilia wasn’t having any part of it. Here is what I was forced to face….

I say “I can’t” way to often. My cardio level has come quite a long way. I was doing sprints with Emilia yesterday and talking the whole time. Previously when met with sprints I would hold onto the sides of the treadmill, talking was impossible because air was far more important and sweat would be pouring off of me. Yesterday…talking and running at a faster pace than I have previously ever run on a treadmill. She would increase the speed and I would always say “I can’t” first before even trying. When I got home and reflected on my session with Meego that day before, same thing. I remember a few times where I said “I can’t” and when he pushed I did it. When Emilia pushed yesterday I did it. For this reason I am now choosing to remove the phrase “I can’t” from my vocabulary. I am certain that at this size there may be some things that I won’t be able to complete….yet, but I won’t say “I can’t.” I will try it and if unable I will say “Not yet, but soon!”

Ever muscle between my shoulders and my knee caps is SCREAMING at me. I was laying in a very hot Epsom salt bath for 45 mins last night and looking back I couldn’t help but smile because I just KILLED to very hard workouts. Yes, I have some seriously sore muscles and yes, I am taking today to rest, but I did it. I pushed passed my boundaries, outside my comfort zone and DID IT!

The last 2 nights I have been in bed and passed out by 9:30pm, getting my sleep on. I did well with eating yesterday and despite some struggles going on in a certain area of my life and my overwhelming desire to have some sweets I did not!

Today there will be a visit to the farmer’s market for some fresh fruits and veggies. I am going to buy a vegetable that I have  previously turned my nose up at or never tried and give it a go. I will be taking the night off from the gym but if the rain holds off, get my walk on.

Day 2 is in the bag, now to tackle Day 3!

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Smile, Sweat & Repeat – Day 1

PhotoGrid_1441150895706_resizedTo say I am in a world of hurt today would be a bit of an understatement. I swear, every muscle between my shoulders and my knees is aching today. When I woke up in bed this morning, rolled over and felt my muscles cringe…all I could do was smile because it tells me that they got a workout last night. My normal 7-10 min walk to the skytrain took almost 15 mins this morning. Meego kicked my behind yesterday and I loved every minute of it. When working with a new trainer I think it takes time to learn their style and how they operate and I noticed some expectations that were carrying over from my time with my Seva ladies, so this is definitely stretching me outside my comfort zone. One of the most uncomfortable things from the session yesterday….not the workout itself, but the fact that once again I noticed that I was 1 of 2 women in the facility and was once again the largest person in there. The little thoughts that kept creeping up and I kept pushing to the side. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have the ideal body type or the six pack abs or can punch like some of those MMA fighters in there…what matters is that I am working on it. I am stepping outside my comfort zone, switching this up, doing what I love.

Food was a breeze yesterday. I have been instructed to keep my calories between 1700 and 1800 on a daily basis. I am not going to starve myself. I am going to do this is the healthiest way possible, that has always been my intention.

Today brings a new set of challenges in that I was so tired when I got home last night, my food was not packed. I am feeling confident in my choices this morning and know that it is all a decision. I say. Simple as that. This journey is only as difficult as I make. Stepping outside of my comfort zone, communicating, smiling, sweating and kicking some serious ass are the only items on the docket for this 30 day challenge.

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Fresh….

34559-Life-Is-About-Kicking-Ass-Not-Kissing-ItWhat better way to kick off a new month than with the start of a new 30 day challenge! There has been A LOT of change this past month, some of it good and some of it difficult to swallow.

After much thought and a couple of conversations I have made the decision to part with the girls of Seva Fitness. I have been with Taren and Emilia for a while now and as much as I love and adore both of them it became clear that our partnership was not a match moving forward. This was difficult, because it required a big step outside of my comfort zone. I did some research and met with a couple of different personal trainers, but there was one in particular that seriously gave me a run for my money. As some of you may remember, in my previous challenge, I mentioned a love for all things boxing and so I have done it. I have begun working with Meego at Infighting in Vancouver. I had a consult with him and let me tell you the pain I felt the next day was THE BEST FEELING EVER! I had a level of comfort build up around working with the ladies of Seva and breaking outside of my comfort zone and trying something new was a difficult decision to make.

These past couple weeks were also met with the 2 year anniversary of my father’s passing. August 25 is not an easy day for me to swallow, even 2 years in. I know they say it gets easier and the day to day has, but it seems when his birthday, Father’s Day or the anniversary of his passing is approaching it is as if it is the first day again.

The biggest change has been finding my voice and expressing that through words without the harsh criticism or fear of “I want people to like me” or “what will they think.” I have said this before, when you remove food as your way of coping, you have to force yourself to re-learn coping strategies. At 36 years of age, let me tell you, not an easy task. I will be honest and say that there were a few questionable days of eating, and I knew it would happen. The thought of a 60 day challenge was clearly to much for me to digest, so I am going to go 30 days again. Maybe I will stay at 30 days, maybe I will get to 60, we will see. The great part of being on my journey is that I get to say how it goes.

As much as all of that was difficult, some of the great parts of the month were stepping outside my comfort zone in many different areas. I also got to explore of the Vancouver’s gorgeous hiking and walking trails. I visited parts of the lower mainland I have never been too and holy noodle do we live in a gorgeous city!

So the next 30 days will be met with renewed enthusiasm, daily posts, sweat, maybe some blood and I am certain a few tears. I intend on pushing myself further than I have before, removing the words “I can’t” from my vocabulary, stepping so far outside my comfort zone I destroy any walls I may have built around me.

Don’t believe me, just watch.