Fat 2.0…

PhotoWowie….wow….wow….

I have some sore legs this morning! I headed to the gym after getting my vote on yesterday and I amazed myself with my ability to do 1000m on the rowing machine. This was after 45 mins on the elliptical and a few other full body exercises. I loathe the rowing machine, that is why I am forcing myself to spend some time on it. A few months back I attempted 1000 meters on the rowing machine and gave up at the 10 min mark. Yesterday I finished 1000 meters in 8 mins and 37 seconds. Now, I am not heading to the Olympics or anything, but it was a great moment for me. Now the goal is to improve on that. I also cleared 14,000 steps on the ol’ Fitbit. My goal is to crack 15,000 before the weekend in over. I have not cracked 15,000 steps in over 8 months, so it is going to happen!

I am not weighing in at Weight Watchers this Saturday because I am heading out of town for the night. Want to know how the week normally goes when I know that I am not weighing in? It tends to go a bit sideways. I am not as strict with tracking what I am eating so points tend to go higher than normal. I don’t hold myself as accountable as I would if I was weighing in. Want to know how this week is currently going? The polar and complete opposite of that. That moment when you realize that the only one you are hurting is yourself. The lady who writes down the number in the little book, isn’t attached to whether it goes up or down. The fluctuation of that number is only a gage of the activities I have been participating in and I am the only one that is attached to what that number is. Being attached to the number is something I think I may always struggle with, to some degree. I have to keep reminding myself that even if I have a great week and the number goes up, there are so many reasons why and it isn’t a sign of failure. I just need to keep my focus on the habits, break the binge eating cycles, focus on exercise and don’t worry so much about what the number on the scale says because it will follow.

I also wanted to touch base on my use of the word “fat.” For a couple weeks now, I have been using that word more. We were adjusting our chairs, for ergonomics, in the office the other day and I said “These chairs are not fat girl friendly, booty be damned!” The look of horror on my co-worker’s face. I asked her what was wrong and I got the typical response. I smiled and shared with her that fat is just a word that I am trying to take away the stigma for myself. It is a descriptive word that carries a lot of weight and meaning for a lot of people, but for myself…. Yes, I have fat, but I also have hair, teeth and toes…doesn’t have any bearing on the kind of person I am or weather or not I think I am beautiful. I still struggle with it, when you are walking down the road and someone makes a comment or your dating pool becomes infinitely smaller because you live in a city where the focus is more on how your behind looks in a pair of Lululemon pants versus your personality and character. But…..I am getting better and better with the word and the definition of that word for me.

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