It’s Not Easy…

2014_rosie_the_riveter_flexing_her_arm_muscles_we_can_do_itWOW! This is the only word that I can think of to describe this past week and a bit.

Last week I climbed into a taxi at 6:30am Sunday morning experiencing a level of pain I thought was going to kill me. I had gotten zero sleep the night before and no amount of Tylenol or Ibuprofen would touch the pain. The taxi driver was so sweet, he helped me walk into the ER at Royal Columbian Hospital where I spent the next 5 days high on a lot of pain medication and antibiotics, waiting for the surgery to have my gallbladder removed. To give you  a bit more perspective on the pain….I was in a room with 3 other people and talking with a lady who just had HER SPINE operated on and has given birth to 5 children said ” I would rather give birth, with no drugs, again or have this spine surgery a million more times than go through my gallbladder again.”

I was discharged late Thursday afternoon, with my irritated organ still intact. I was not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING from the minute I walked through the ER doors till Thursday morning when the decision was made to release me and schedule the surgery for a later date. That’s what happens when you are placed on the emergency general surgery list. Nothing to eat or drink because you can go into surgery at any moment. I kept getting bumped. Wanna know what happens when you put a fat girl in the hospital, where a majority of humans are at their most vulnerable and take away food, her one comfort…. She discovers a new layer of strength she never knew she had.

There were days that I laid in that bed and just cried. The nurse would come in and ask me what was wrong and I would look at her and just say “I’m feeling overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, sad, etc” Whatever emotion was there I would say it. There was nothing they could do to help me, it was like an unintended session of extreme Exposure Therapy…..but I survived. I survived one of the most painful experiences of my life. I learnt that people that I previously would have bet money on coming to visit, didn’t and won’t. Also, people that you didn’t think would notice, call or text you everyday or they start calling every hospital till they find you once they find out you are in the hospital.

I learnt that I am one helluva strong woman that is loved, cared for and appreciated. Sitting on my bed just now reflecting on the past week and all of a sudden feeling that strength run through me, it made me smile.  It made me happy.

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Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead…

First Spud delivery!

First Spud delivery!

As most of you know I recently moved. In that move I made the decision to give up the extensive cable package (aka couch potato package) that I had come accustomed to, knowing that I would register with Crave TV or Netflix. About 3 weeks back I finally registered for Netflix. I have never been a big documentary fan, but let me tell you I am hooked! Two weeks ago I stumbled across one called Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead. If you haven’t watched this, stop reading and go watch it….right now….I’ll wait…..

The following day I watched Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead 2 followed by Hungry for Change. I have done my fair share of personal development work, read quite a few books, same on the nutrition front. They all say the same thing. Some you listen too and it just clicks, they are speaking your language. The idea of juicing was not a foreign concept to me, it was something I had thought about and done some research on, but holy sweet jeebus Joe Cross was speaking my language! The following evening I was at my chiropractor telling her about the movies and she was already on the juicing bandwagon and immediately told me that Joe Cross was going to be in Vancouver, speaking last Monday. My head was spinning, this was all happening within a week and I have always been a big believer in signs so…of course I went to hear him speak and drug along the BFF. I will do a separate post on my review of the movies and his talk later this week for those that are curious.

Last week I registered with spud.ca (will do a review after I have received a couple orders), purchased a juicer and my first order of organic produce was delivered right to my front door. I also took the opportunity to go through my kitchen and cleared out about 95% of the processed food I had in my fridge and cupboards. I have not moved souly to juicing or doing a juice cleanse. My track record for bandwagon jumping is not good, so I am going to do this slowly. I am removing processed food and sugar from my everyday eating and breakfast is now a juice followed by one later in the afternoon if I am so inclined. This morning it was spinach, kale, apple, celery, cucumber and lemon. My favorite so far has been beets, oranges and carrots. Seriously SO D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S! I have always struggled to eat my vegetables and now I have no problem. Removing processed food and refined sugar is something EVERYONE needs to do.

I have been stuck in a “rut” since the move and I furnished that rut, which is never a good place to be. I had a sit down CBhx3goU0AE0xTQwith one of my trainers Taren on Friday and she pushed a few buttons and reminded me of my big picture goal. Last night, after a conversation with a friend who commented on not seeing some posts recently, he gave me another oh so gentle push. I can sit in the rut and let it win or I can do one thing each day that moves me more towards my goal, the choice is mine!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post where I will tell you about breaking out in hives all over my face thanks to juicing!

Fat Shame…

fat shameOk this post is leaving me feeling quite exposed, so gentle….

I had heard through the grapevine regarding a new TV show called My Big Fat Fabulous Life, I am not big on the TV watching lately, but after receiving some injections into my scalp yesterday afternoon I wasn’t moving far from the couch, so I watched the first 3 episodes. I have provided a link below to give you some background on the show.

I went through a rollercoaster of emotions when watching this show, everything she is talking about, being a person of size in society is 100% accurate, I have had those exact thoughts. Then she made one comment…

“It’s hard to know that someone sees you and they don’t see a human being. They just see something disgusting, someone that doesn’t have feelings or isn’t worth anything. They have no idea who you are, what you are good at, what you can offer them.”  ~Whitney Thore~

A lot of people refer to this now as fat shaming. The last socially acceptable form of hate. This was tear inducing for me. Not a month ago I was in the gym that is in the basement of my office building. I was minding my own business, on the treadmill, when two men took it upon themselves to begin making fun of me, despite having hardcore proof that I was doing something about it. They don’t know me, don’t know my story, don’t now that I am in the gym almost every day. I receive emails and comments on my blog and social media from people sitting behind a computer screen that thinks it is perfectly acceptable to type mean comments and emails. To them, it is totally acceptable to verbally spew that poison for all to hear and see.

You can open any newspaper or TV news program and see the levels of hate filling the world. There are countless stories about people being bullied, mocked or made fun of for religion, size, clothing, sexuality, hair color or make-up. The difference is that when someone is being bullied for a majority of those, other people step in and say that it is not ok, or come to the aid of that person. Police get involved, charges are laid. When someone makes fun of you for size, people turn away or join in, police don’t get involved.

I am getting a lot better at letting these comments roll off my back, but there are times where, when I get home, tears are cried because words can hurt. I should add in that although I am focusing on fat shaming, making vocal snap comments/judgments about anyone for no reason is not ok. You don’t know that persons story, what they have been through. What does this still need to exist? Spewing poison regarding my size tells me one thing….you have been hurt and you want to make me feel bad so you feel better. I do not need to fight for the right to exist.

What do I hope people take from this? Everyone makes judgments, it is human nature. Keep them to yourself, period. You have no idea what that person has been through or what they are doing. If everyone approached with an open mind, you mind be surprised, so the next time you look at a person and you find yourself saying mean things either inside voice or outside voice, check yourself and ask why.