It’s Not Easy…

2014_rosie_the_riveter_flexing_her_arm_muscles_we_can_do_itWOW! This is the only word that I can think of to describe this past week and a bit.

Last week I climbed into a taxi at 6:30am Sunday morning experiencing a level of pain I thought was going to kill me. I had gotten zero sleep the night before and no amount of Tylenol or Ibuprofen would touch the pain. The taxi driver was so sweet, he helped me walk into the ER at Royal Columbian Hospital where I spent the next 5 days high on a lot of pain medication and antibiotics, waiting for the surgery to have my gallbladder removed. To give you  a bit more perspective on the pain….I was in a room with 3 other people and talking with a lady who just had HER SPINE operated on and has given birth to 5 children said ” I would rather give birth, with no drugs, again or have this spine surgery a million more times than go through my gallbladder again.”

I was discharged late Thursday afternoon, with my irritated organ still intact. I was not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING from the minute I walked through the ER doors till Thursday morning when the decision was made to release me and schedule the surgery for a later date. That’s what happens when you are placed on the emergency general surgery list. Nothing to eat or drink because you can go into surgery at any moment. I kept getting bumped. Wanna know what happens when you put a fat girl in the hospital, where a majority of humans are at their most vulnerable and take away food, her one comfort…. She discovers a new layer of strength she never knew she had.

There were days that I laid in that bed and just cried. The nurse would come in and ask me what was wrong and I would look at her and just say “I’m feeling overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, sad, etc” Whatever emotion was there I would say it. There was nothing they could do to help me, it was like an unintended session of extreme Exposure Therapy…..but I survived. I survived one of the most painful experiences of my life. I learnt that people that I previously would have bet money on coming to visit, didn’t and won’t. Also, people that you didn’t think would notice, call or text you everyday or they start calling every hospital till they find you once they find out you are in the hospital.

I learnt that I am one helluva strong woman that is loved, cared for and appreciated. Sitting on my bed just now reflecting on the past week and all of a sudden feeling that strength run through me, it made me smile.  It made me happy.

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Possible Round 2?

PhotoGrid_1437929210543_resizedGood Morning Peeps!

So it has been just under a week since I completed my personal 30 day challenge and what an interesting 5 days it has been.

The first day I woke up with a sense of overwhelming relief. I didn’t have to worry about getting a post up and then I had the thought of ” I don’t have to worry about people seeing what I eat.” That was when my head dropped to one side and a confused look came across my face….interesting thought, let’s explore this Ms. Nikki. After a conversation with myself, while getting ready  for work, I was no where closer to understanding that thought, only that it wasn’t sitting right with me. I spend a majority of Wednesday and Thursday feeling off. The bff drug my ass out of hills in New Westminster on Thursday evening. If you are at all familiar with the area….think San Francisco style hills. We started at 3rd..we’d go down the left side of the street, cross, and come up the right side, cross over to 4th, down the left side, cross come up the right side…we did this all the way from 3rd to 8th and back. When I could breathe we got to talking and here is what I discovered….

For a couple years no all I have focused on is completing a 30 day challenge. Many times I started and many times I failed. I would come really close, I would lose a couple pounds and then I would sabotage it and not finish. I had never thought past the 30 day challenge because at the time that was a large enough task to tackle…and if I am honest…I did not entirely believe I would conquer. Here I am, completed the 30 day challenge and lost 10.4lbs….now what? The answer….I don’t know….yet.

Here is what I do know….the last five days have been a bit of a struggle. They haven’t been bad and I didn’t fall of the 20150726_104731_resized (1)wagon, but a couple extra 100 calorie snacks crept in each day. I am happy to report that on Sunday I stepped on the scale and I was down another 3.2lbs!! Bringing my grand total to 13.6lbs lost! OVER THE MOON! YAY ME! I then went to the best brunch café in New Westminster called Coming Home Café. I then proceeded to eat the best cheat meal of my life; 2 hours later I was married to the bathroom for the rest of the day. I don’t regret eating those delicious cherry chocolate waffles and bacon one bit, but I don’t know that it was worth it. I didn’t eat horribly, but not overly well the remainder of yesterday because my tummy just wasn’t interested. The discomfort and pains that I am still experiencing this morning…not worth the 30mins of mouth watering satisfaction. Those delicious waffles were just to much for my sensitive system.

So I am still mulling over what next…another 30 day challenge? A fitness goal? I am clear that having a goal is what keeps me focused and moving in the right direction. I have given myself by end of day today to come up with my next step, so stay tuned!