It’s Not Easy…

2014_rosie_the_riveter_flexing_her_arm_muscles_we_can_do_itWOW! This is the only word that I can think of to describe this past week and a bit.

Last week I climbed into a taxi at 6:30am Sunday morning experiencing a level of pain I thought was going to kill me. I had gotten zero sleep the night before and no amount of Tylenol or Ibuprofen would touch the pain. The taxi driver was so sweet, he helped me walk into the ER at Royal Columbian Hospital where I spent the next 5 days high on a lot of pain medication and antibiotics, waiting for the surgery to have my gallbladder removed. To give you  a bit more perspective on the pain….I was in a room with 3 other people and talking with a lady who just had HER SPINE operated on and has given birth to 5 children said ” I would rather give birth, with no drugs, again or have this spine surgery a million more times than go through my gallbladder again.”

I was discharged late Thursday afternoon, with my irritated organ still intact. I was not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING from the minute I walked through the ER doors till Thursday morning when the decision was made to release me and schedule the surgery for a later date. That’s what happens when you are placed on the emergency general surgery list. Nothing to eat or drink because you can go into surgery at any moment. I kept getting bumped. Wanna know what happens when you put a fat girl in the hospital, where a majority of humans are at their most vulnerable and take away food, her one comfort…. She discovers a new layer of strength she never knew she had.

There were days that I laid in that bed and just cried. The nurse would come in and ask me what was wrong and I would look at her and just say “I’m feeling overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, sad, etc” Whatever emotion was there I would say it. There was nothing they could do to help me, it was like an unintended session of extreme Exposure Therapy…..but I survived. I survived one of the most painful experiences of my life. I learnt that people that I previously would have bet money on coming to visit, didn’t and won’t. Also, people that you didn’t think would notice, call or text you everyday or they start calling every hospital till they find you once they find out you are in the hospital.

I learnt that I am one helluva strong woman that is loved, cared for and appreciated. Sitting on my bed just now reflecting on the past week and all of a sudden feeling that strength run through me, it made me smile.  It made me happy.

Advertisements

Down and Dirty 30 – Day 7 & 8…

Thank you Google

Thank you Google

Why are Day 7 and 8 combined you may ask?….Yesterday was one of those Monday’s where as soon as I turned on my work phone the proverbial sh*t hit the fan and it was go time, so I had no time to hit my little post button. I remembered just before lunch, but was then distracted with a phone call and then remembered again at around 8 last night and decided I will just combine the two days.

Sunday went a lot better than Saturday! I kept myself occupied with a project where I purged out drawers and cupboards I haven’t touched in quite some time. It felt great to organize, I also think that it was a little bit of a mental cleansing as well, you know…clear out the old and make room for the new that is coming into your life? Wow, am I glad that quotes of the world are not left up to me! Lol. Wanna see what it looks like when you forget to put your Fitbit on till after lunch time? Wanna know what I sound like when I realize I forgot to put my Fitbit on? Well for the first one; go have a look down below at Sunday’s photo and for the second….my Mumma reads my posts, so I can’t. But I will say although I am an educated woman, I once again displayed the vocabulary of a sailor. Exercise wise I went for a walk and did some yoga! I have discovered that my brain has a very difficult time “relaxing” during yoga. Does anyone else find this? I did really well with eating on Sunday. I suppose there was a big of guilt around Saturday so I was trying to “make up for it” a little bit. I did awesome and stayed under my 100g of sugar!

Monday was a whole different ball game. As mentioned, it was one of those days that whatever could go wrong, did. I was smart and when for my walk/power walk/job thing I do at lunch and it was a way to de-stress at bit over lunch. There were points throughout the day that I had to have a serious conversation with myself and not go downstairs to the café for a cookie, or worse, across the street to Tim Horton’s for a doughnut! By the end of the day I was both exhausted from work and the conversations with myself to stop the eating. I ate myself within an inch of my goal for the day. I was very thankful for the season premiere of The Voice! I freakin’ love that show and HELLO…Pharrell AND Gwen Stefani! I am still struggling to reach my 10,000 steps a day because so much of my job is sitting at a desk, I have taken to standing a points throughout the day, which I am convinced creeps my coworkers out, but none have said anything J The days I do Yoga it is even worse because Fitbit doesn’t measure that…..I may have to add in an evening stroll after dinner….stayed tuned for how I choose to tackle this…

On a pleasant note…I stepped on the scale in the gym downstairs in our office and it showed a very promising number! A little to promising, almost impossible promising, so stay tuned as our office receptionist is going to test it out for me in the morning to see if it lied or if I did really well last week!

PhotoGrid_1411363184286_Ivan_Grunge_resized

Sunday – Day 7

PhotoGrid_1411449173743_Ivan_Grunge_resized_1

Monday- Day 8

Down and Dirty 30 – Day 6/Week 1 Recap

2014-09-06 15.31.18_WhiteHonesty time…yesterday (Day 6) did not go according to plan, a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had a house guest Friday night and I never seem to sleep quite as well when there is someone else in my apartment. I got up in the morning with the best of intentions and things were shaping up great, but at around 2:30 in the afternoon I hit a wall of peanut butter, bread and slices of banana.  After about an hour of snacking on this throughout that hour I sat back and immediately the Drill Sgt that lives in my head began his performance. Knowing this is never a good path to travel down I fessed up and called a friend for support. Quickly talked it through and discovered that bread is no longer allowed in the four walls of my apartment. Of all the things to hit a wall on, those are not the worst, but a loaf of bread combined with a jar of peanut butter in my house is a bad idea and has “trigger” written all over it, so in a drastic measure the loaf of bread was thrown into the garbage.  The peanut butter peacefully resided in my house all week, but when I brought the loaf of bread in yesterday to make poached eggs for breakfast this morning, the 2 of them conspired.  Bread no more! The win for me, was not staying in the tailspin of eating, reaching out and taking action! I then debated if I was still going to have my cheat meal and the answer was yes.

Curious what it was? When you read what it was the thought will probably me “Really?” All week I was flipping between two different things, and I finally rested on one. I had some cheezy garlic breadsticks and chicken wings from Panago Pizza. I took the time to savor and enjoy them and you want to know something funny, when you slowly eat the food you think you previously enjoyed….it doesn’t taste that great. I was immediately reaching for water afterwards because everything tasted so salty. I would say I regretted my choice, I don’t see why I enjoyed eating that previously. An hour later, my body made me well aware of the dislike for that food. The discomfort was not pleasant.

Week 1 was a week of learning, observing and doing. I fell down, got up and brushed myself off. This coming week is going to bring new challenges and the goal is to fall down a little less and get up a little quicker. Giving up my mentality of having to do it “perfectly” is one of the hardest mind challenges I am facing. Being 100% honest and accountable with all of you defiantly helps, so thanks for sticking around week 1 and let’s suit up for week 2!