Ok, I have been distracting myself from writing this post for some time now and it is time to step off the hamster wheel. Yes…. I have not written for a few days now, no I did not completely fall off the wagon of eating, despite brain’s attempt to make me believe I am a lost cause lol.
Life happened and I am using every tool I am learning to work my way through the emotions of this game. I took a short solo trip over to the Island to get a tattoo, I was out of routine, I didn’t plan accordingly or ahead, however you’d like to look at it. I found myself getting quite frustrated until I realized that this is what happens. I spend so much time trying to plan things out, account for ever detail that I miss the beauty that is around me. I ate when I was hungry, I looked around for healthier options and despite there being a 7-11 store outside my hotel and my deep love of those giant sour keys, I didn’t go through that door. I wandered around Victoria and enjoyed what a crazy beautiful city it is. Despite my best attempt, I didn’t manage to hit my goal of 15,000 steps on my Fitbit, but it is on my target list for this week! I also managed to sit through 3.5 hrs of pure pain while my spine was tattooed!
I find that I have to keep reminding myself that it isn’t about doing it perfectly. Nothing I, or anyone, does in life is ever going to be perfect, despite what society tells me, or us, it should look like. Am I trying my best? At the end of the day can I put my hand over my heart and say, “I did everything I could and I am happy with that.” That is my goal. If I can’t then what can I do differently next time, what can I learn. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what society thinks I should be doing, or what my friends or family think I should be doing, that sometimes I lose what I want to do.
In my mind I had it that fighting for myself was just about fighting for my health, making that the priority, but I am discovering that it is so much more than that. I am fighting for my life and what I want from it. I have spent so much time just….existing. Sometimes it feels like I am waking up for the first time, speaking my voice and figuring out what I want in this life of mine. It is both a terrifying and exciting feeling.
Well….today you get another 2 for deal!
The last two days has been an exhausting …literally. I do not know what is going on, but sleep is all I have wanted. I got 7 hours of sleep Sunday night and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open yesterday. Then I did something I swore I would NEVER DO…I fell asleep on public transit, I couldn’t help it. I sat down and then next thing I know I am opening my eyes and the bus is pulling into the Skytrain station. Then last night I was snuggled in my bed and asleep by 8:30PM. Even this morning I am still feeling a little sleepy. However, today I feel more alert that I did yesterday. I am not certain what is going on, but I am listening carefully.
I had one of those really great Sunday’s where you do just what you need to do, like laundry and a little cleaning. Then the rest of the day was spent doing things that I wanted to do. Had breakfast with one of the besties, went for a walk, took a nap, did a little writing, some reading, some meal prep for the week, painted my nails and dealt with an eyebrow situation. I was calling it Self-Care Sunday and it was delightful.
For about ten minutes Sunday evening I felt a little guilty about what I had eaten and that I wasn’t tracking. When I realized any thing I had eaten wasn’t done out of avoiding a feeling or trying to escape something. I ate it because it was freaking tasty and I enjoyed eating it. I didn’t binge eat or over eat and I realized that for the first time in a very long time, I had an entire day where I ate mindfully. It was a unique experience for me and it made me smile.
Yesterday was a typical Monday at work, always busy. I was on point with my eating, which included a sandwich from Subway and even a little bag of chips. That is one of the things I love about Weight Watchers. You can eat whatever you want, never leaving yourself feeling deprived or like there are foods that are “off limits.” It all boils down to choices, moderation and balance.
Today I am returning to the gym after I do one very important task…..VOTE!
Taren loves a good photo bomb!
So last night my behind received a whooping that it did not seeing coming. I have been thoroughly stripped of my ability to laugh and lift anything heavier than a t-shirt.
I wrote my post yesterday and was feeling a bit “ho hum” until I walked in for my training session and was promptly informed that Emilia was on a war path by the person she was currently finishing up training. Here is the great thing about the ladies at Seva Fitness. Taren is the loud in your face type. I make the worst faces when I find out that I am training with her! I commonly refer to her as a mini Jillian Michaels. Emilia is silent by deadly. Emilia is sweet and polite, but she will switch the weight without telling you or she will “forget” what number you were on and all of a sudden you have done double, but usually it is a calmer workout, which I enjoy. If I am honest, I enjoy working out with both, but it depends on my mood. To arrive and hear Emilia was on the war path, was a bit concerning.
Oh yes, yes she was. I was immediately told that if I am caught taking a break or rest I will have to do a 30sec to 1min plank. I was also learning some new exercises last night and if I was going slow or taking to long the whip was cracked. It was exactly what I needed. By the end of the workout I was more than ready for bed. I was feeling a bit bummed that with my impending move I wasn’t certain if I would be able to continue with them until Taren smiled and said “Fear not! I train Friday nights at a facility a 15min walk from you!” Taren….every week….oh lord give me strength….
Last nights session was exactly the kick in the pants that I needed to start moving forward again. I was reminded that I have 2 partners who will ALWAYS kick my ass whenever I am having a bad day or feeling riddled with excuses and can’t see my way out. All I have to do is reach out, text/call or schedule an emergency session.
Reasons and excuses only have as much power as you give them. We all give reasons or excuses a lot of power in different areas of our life that we use to prevent us from going after or getting what we really want. Go after what you really want and figure it out or sit on the sidelines and be miserable, your choice.
Fitbit stats March 19