Ok, I have been distracting myself from writing this post for some time now and it is time to step off the hamster wheel. Yes…. I have not written for a few days now, no I did not completely fall off the wagon of eating, despite brain’s attempt to make me believe I am a lost cause lol.
Life happened and I am using every tool I am learning to work my way through the emotions of this game. I took a short solo trip over to the Island to get a tattoo, I was out of routine, I didn’t plan accordingly or ahead, however you’d like to look at it. I found myself getting quite frustrated until I realized that this is what happens. I spend so much time trying to plan things out, account for ever detail that I miss the beauty that is around me. I ate when I was hungry, I looked around for healthier options and despite there being a 7-11 store outside my hotel and my deep love of those giant sour keys, I didn’t go through that door. I wandered around Victoria and enjoyed what a crazy beautiful city it is. Despite my best attempt, I didn’t manage to hit my goal of 15,000 steps on my Fitbit, but it is on my target list for this week! I also managed to sit through 3.5 hrs of pure pain while my spine was tattooed!
I find that I have to keep reminding myself that it isn’t about doing it perfectly. Nothing I, or anyone, does in life is ever going to be perfect, despite what society tells me, or us, it should look like. Am I trying my best? At the end of the day can I put my hand over my heart and say, “I did everything I could and I am happy with that.” That is my goal. If I can’t then what can I do differently next time, what can I learn. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what society thinks I should be doing, or what my friends or family think I should be doing, that sometimes I lose what I want to do.
In my mind I had it that fighting for myself was just about fighting for my health, making that the priority, but I am discovering that it is so much more than that. I am fighting for my life and what I want from it. I have spent so much time just….existing. Sometimes it feels like I am waking up for the first time, speaking my voice and figuring out what I want in this life of mine. It is both a terrifying and exciting feeling.
Well….today you get another 2 for deal!
The last two days has been an exhausting …literally. I do not know what is going on, but sleep is all I have wanted. I got 7 hours of sleep Sunday night and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open yesterday. Then I did something I swore I would NEVER DO…I fell asleep on public transit, I couldn’t help it. I sat down and then next thing I know I am opening my eyes and the bus is pulling into the Skytrain station. Then last night I was snuggled in my bed and asleep by 8:30PM. Even this morning I am still feeling a little sleepy. However, today I feel more alert that I did yesterday. I am not certain what is going on, but I am listening carefully.
I had one of those really great Sunday’s where you do just what you need to do, like laundry and a little cleaning. Then the rest of the day was spent doing things that I wanted to do. Had breakfast with one of the besties, went for a walk, took a nap, did a little writing, some reading, some meal prep for the week, painted my nails and dealt with an eyebrow situation. I was calling it Self-Care Sunday and it was delightful.
For about ten minutes Sunday evening I felt a little guilty about what I had eaten and that I wasn’t tracking. When I realized any thing I had eaten wasn’t done out of avoiding a feeling or trying to escape something. I ate it because it was freaking tasty and I enjoyed eating it. I didn’t binge eat or over eat and I realized that for the first time in a very long time, I had an entire day where I ate mindfully. It was a unique experience for me and it made me smile.
Yesterday was a typical Monday at work, always busy. I was on point with my eating, which included a sandwich from Subway and even a little bag of chips. That is one of the things I love about Weight Watchers. You can eat whatever you want, never leaving yourself feeling deprived or like there are foods that are “off limits.” It all boils down to choices, moderation and balance.
Today I am returning to the gym after I do one very important task…..VOTE!
Thank you Pintrest for the photo 🙂
Ok so technically not the new year, but within the first month of the new year…
After a year that was less than kind and just down right horrific in some instances I made the decision to do something that I have never done. Those that know me, know that I love making me some New Year’s resolutions. I love that on January 1 you have 365 days to wake up, take names, and generally kick a**. With everything I went through last year and after a couple conversations with some friends I decided that this year I was not going to make any. I got tired of writing out a list of things or actions that I never quite reach and decided that Jan. 1 doesn’t define a new year, good bad or ugly. It is just a day.
This year instead of resolutions I am going to take more risks, embrace new beginnings and fresh starts. I want to make a conscious effort to spent more time doing the things that mean the most to me. I want to be a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, a better aunt, a better person.
Now you might be asking “Well that’s great, show me”, have had that same thought myself. I am the Queen B of starting things and not following through. Those of you that follow me on this blog can attest to that, and I thank you for your patience. This isn’t about doing it perfectly, but…
Risk #1. I have been working in the world of retail management for quite a few years. It is where I was comfortable, safe and where I could hide. It is also where I am miserable. Not being able to spend Christmas with family because you aren’t allowed to take vacation after September. Always having to be available if something goes wrong at the store, not having evenings or weekends with all of my other friends that have Saturday and Sunday off. So I left. I left a well paying, comfortable management position because what I want is my life back.
New beginnings and fresh starts ahead!